The “Average” Dilemma

After quitting dating seven months ago, I’m considering signing up on a dating website again. I’ve checked all the boxes, filled in the short answers, and had no trouble coming up with a cliché-free short essay about myself and what I’m looking for. But there’s one thing that still stumps me: the weight question.

Which best describes my body type? My choices are: slender, about average, athletic and toned, heavyset, a few extra pounds, stocky, big and beautiful, curvy, and full-figured.

The first problem is that none of these terms are necessarily exclusive of one another—that is, it is possible to be slender and athletic, or heavyset and stocky. That said, I can pretty easily narrow it down to three possibilities: about average, a few extra pounds, and curvy. But here’s where terminology nit-picking and man fortune-telling come in to play.

Let’s start with “about average.” “About” implies that there’s some leeway—average, plus or minus. Great. But what is average? Is it the CDC’s recommended healthy weight, or the real average weight of U.S. women? In the first case, I’m overweight by 14 pounds; but in the latter, I’m 4 pounds short of average. Take it a step further, and I would say that I’m 25 to 35 pounds over my ideal weight.

And how much leeway do we get if we claim to have a few extra pounds? Literally, a “few” means maybe three or four. But then it seems that “a few extra pounds” could mean the same thing as “about average,” and anyway, if our real average weight is overweight, then that is in fact the same as being a few extra pounds over.

And curvy? Well, don’t you have curves whether you are “about” average or a few pounds over? Or is it just a nice way to say “fat”?

Now, in the past I’ve selected both the “average” and “few extra” options. There are pros and cons to each. If I choose “average,” then I’m going on the assumption that I’m right in there with other random women on the street. But how many guys have met me and been disappointed because they expected someone twenty pounds less? If I choose “a few extra,” then I feel like I’m being honest with myself, but I’m probably closing out all those guys who think they’re only ok with someone “average” or “better,” but their definition of “average” is “few extra”?

Of course, the most important thing really is to find a guy who values my intelligence, wit, and artistic leanings more than my weight—someone who doesn’t care which body type I claim to be; someone who realizes that when we’re 80 years old, we’re going to value our minds and souls much more than having perfect bodies.

“No answer” is beginning to sound like a good choice.

(Statistics from the CDC, National Center for Health Statistics, National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey [NHANES, 1999 – 2002].)